Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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