I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
