D3 body, D1 cock
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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