I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
