Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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