call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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