omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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