just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
