Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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