i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
