he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
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It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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