This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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