You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
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