Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
