I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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