So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
