I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
