that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
