The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
