I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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