If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
