life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
