I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the day after is always just damage control
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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