you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
