So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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