If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
