one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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