I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
