Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
