how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
