So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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