party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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