I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
