tonight lets celebrate not being married
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize