Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
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He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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