Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
