i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
