Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
how can u be prego again
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
