I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
