Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
