You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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