Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
