I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
