dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
All I want is dick and wine.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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