Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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