party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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