Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
