he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
