the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
