New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
