dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You made out with two different species that night
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
