Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
