Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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