Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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