Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
