one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize