i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
