I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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