i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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