so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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