I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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